Messy.... Part 2

So... 

the messiness of everyday life  seems to never cease to amaze me.  Being human and learning to finally be 'alive in the moment' is a great experience...i love my life.  But dang it... the whirlwind of headiness and over-thinking... the barrage of thoughts born of the original sin, the instincts, and the filters I've unconsciencely lived my life looking through... dang it if these thoughts don't conspire against me. 

What does it truly mean to take every thought captive? (2 Cor 10:5) 

I can't seem to take captive my appetite for sweet chewy caramels...how do I stand a chance against my own thoughts?  I'm human... in that, there's a common-ness I have with every human...yet I battle the isolationist 'me-ism' that thinks I'm alone, and unique in this quandary. 

And I think that it is this very 'me-centric' viewpoint that is the very root of the problem... I'm all too concerned about all things pertaining to ME.  How I feel...what I think... etc etc et-freaking cetera.

I KNOW it's a process... and a journey.  I'm to be patient... I'm the clay.  I GET IT...well, I'm trying to get it.... well, sometimes, I'm praying to be willing to try to get it.  

And yet God is patient with me.... An amazing patient father... so slow to anger.  (more on than in another blog)

Back to my point... life is messy....and relationships are messy.  In this fallen world, where entropy is the natural order of things, especially relational entropy,.... I feel small.  I've realized control is an illusion... and I'm content with that.  And my faith in God is made stronger when I take time to realize that God is in control.  It sounds cliche... but God is in control.  He's aware of every detail of my 'relatively boring by the world's standard yet pretty darn important to me' life...and He's aware of every other thing that goes on in the universe.  My comparatively finite little ant-brain can't fathom the enormity of my big God.  I'm amazed, humbled... and lavishly loved for reasons I won't soon understand. 

He's a giant God... and He loves me. 

I'm amazed he knows all my problems, most of which I play no small part in creating... and yet He still cares and helps me through them.... like the father who patiently helps his 3 yr old clean up their incredibly messy room.  God is good like that... a great Dad.

I fondly remember Cal holding my hand as a very small child... I would reach down to him and his little hand could barely wrap around my little finger. He'd hardly be able to stand up...and he'd clutch my pinky as if it were a life preserver.... 

I have that same mental image when I think of God now...  except I'm the toddler...and He's the big dad. 

I wanna hold on to His gargantuan little pinky with my itty-bitty hand....I never want to let go.